Another important point is our motivation. If it has dropped, we need to look at why. A drop in motivation also means a drop in the will to take power. Sometimes our lack of motivation can be caused by fears of change and of growth.
The working-through process means we are getting in touch with ourselves, perhaps for the first time. We become aware of how we think and react on a day-to-day basis, which usually gives us insights into ourselves which we have not had before.
Sometimes these insights can be quite threatening, as they could signal the need for changes in our life.
The drop in motivation may mean we are avoiding these insights. Everyone wants to recover, but many of us want recovery to mean we will return to our former self. The working-through process means we are getting in touch with ourselves, with feelings, needs and desires we may never have known existed. These will need to be integrated and their integration will mean not a return to the old, but the birth of the new.
Have a look and see if fear of change has caused the drop in motivation. Become aware of how those fears are holding you back.
Is there a time of day or night that you dread? Maybe it’s the fight at naptime, or that first early morning call, or the inevitable middle-of-the-night visit.
Take a minute to look at your trouble spots. Certainly a child can show more than one problem at more than one time of day, but the first step is to figure out “what is happening when?” In this chapter we will break down the day into segments where sleep is likely to become an issue. There are new ways to think about things and some tips to try. Some ideas apply primarily to infants, others are more applicable to older children. Feel free to focus on what fits your child and family the most.
To fall asleep means to be separated from those you love and trust. It is no easy task and is especially hard during times of developmental upheaval. Sleep problems often show themselves when separation anxieties are an expected part of development. A child might think the following:
When I close my eyes, it’s dark—everything is gone. I wonder where I am going…and I wonder where you are.
A parent’s job is to find the balance between being supportive and being firm, to be sure in her own heart that nothing bad will happen to the child while he sleeps—then to communicate that in a cheerful, confident manner.
Let him borrow some of your confidence until he develops his own. Reassure him you are nearby. Call to him or visit occasionally if that helps. Tell him what you do while he sleeps (something boring). After rest time, point out that he woke safely and you were there.
Dr. Spock recommends that parents of children who are experiencing peak separation issues sit in a chair next to their beds until they fall asleep. Don’t over-coddle, but don’t abandon him to tough it out on his own. Because he really needs to see you, letting him cry-it-out at peak separation times will only escalate the fear and crying.
James, a 50-year-old professional, wrote to me as follows:
I have had one form or another of depression for over 10 years. My depression has greatly affected my life in many ways. Most notably, my relationship with my wife has suffered and my relationship and reactions to daily work circumstances have been greatly and negatively affected. Many of my attempts to deal with my depression failed.
James describes how he first underwent six months of psychotherapy, which was of no help, followed by a course of Lustral, which helped his depression slightly but caused him chronic diarrhoea, a liability far greater than its minimal benefit in relieving his depression. After he broke his foot, this side-effect became even more inconvenient as he had difficulty getting to the toilet in time. He decided to discontinue the medication and his depression returned with full force.
After doing some research on the herb, James decided to take St John’s Wort on his own; within six weeks of starting to take 300 mg three times a day, his feelings of depression began to subside. ‘My depression is now manageable and I would have to say almost non-existent,’ he concludes. T hope St John’s Wort remains available without a prescription and that the … medical professionals do not attempt to “prescriptionize” it… I hope my short personal history regarding my depression and travels towards St John’s Wort will help to keep it available to the general public’